彼得·帕克(汤姆·赫兰德 Tom Holland 饰)在复仇者内战后受到了钢铁侠托尼·斯塔克(小罗伯特·唐尼 Robert Downey Jr. 饰)的赏识，表面上，彼得进入托尼的公司成为了一名实习生，实际上，他和复仇者联盟的成员们一起接受了各种各样的训练。托尼虽然欣赏彼得的勇敢和正直，却并不认为他目前已经拥有加入复联的实力，他派出了特工哈皮(乔恩·费儒 Jon Favreau 饰)暗中观察，这让十分想证明自己的彼得感到万分焦躁。
在对付两个银行劫匪的过程中，彼得发现劫匪们使用的是一种前所未见的新型武器，他孤身一人深入敌后顺藤摸瓜找到了幕后主使秃鹰(迈克尔·基顿 Michael Keaton 饰)，让彼得没有想到的是，秃鹰竟然是他爱慕的女生利兹(劳拉·海瑞尔 Laura Harrier 饰)的父亲。
1. My alarm didn't go off. 我的闹钟没响。
2. Maybe next time, don't overextend yourself. 下次别这么不自量力了。
3. We're supposed to turn this in, right? 我们是不是应该把这些上交?
4. Happy's kind of your point guy on this. 哈皮就算你的联系人了。
5. Don't stress him out. 别让他太紧张。
6. I'll level with you. 我跟你直说吧。
7. Thank god this place has Wi-Fi or you would be toast right now. 谢天谢地，这地方还有wifi信号，要不然你就玩完了。
8. Stay close to the ground. 脚踏实地。
9. If cap wanted to lay you out, he would've. 如果美国队长想搞定你，他就能搞定你。
10. I got some pull at MIT. 我在麻省理工大学认识些人。
11. Under the radar. 低调点。
12. I could catch them all red-handed. 我可以当场抓住他们。
13. Okay, we'll sort that out. 好，我们想办法解决。
14. Don't grill him, dad. 别拷问他啦，老爸。
15. Well, it would buy us a little time. 这能给我们争取些时间嘛。
Spider-Man: Activate taser web!
Vulture: You're messing with things you don't understand.
Spider-Man: Oh, my God. What do I do? Karen, give me an X-ray of the boat and target all the strongest points. Web grenade. Web grenade. Splitter web, go.
Karen/Suit: Great job, Peter. You are 98 percent successful.
Man: Yeah, Spider-Man!
Spider-Man: No, no, no. No!
Passengers: No! Oh, my God!
Spider-Man: No! Ah! What the hell? What the hell?
Iron Man: Hi, Spider-Man. Band practice, was it?
Passengers: Look! Look!
Man: Yeah, Iron Man!
Spider-Man: Uh, Mr. Stark. Hey, Mr. Stark, could I do anything? What do you want me to do? Whoa!
Iron Man: I think you've done enough.
Vulture: So that's it? You're just gonna run?
Shocker: Feds were waiting for us. Now we're on Iron Man's radar? Yeah, I'm running. You should too.
Vulture: You know I can't do that.
Shocker: So now what?
Vulture: Mason, can you get that high-altitude seal thing up and running in time?
Mason: Seriously? Yes. You will not regret this.
Vulture: You in?
Iron Man: Previously on Peter Screws the Pooch, I tell you to stay away from this. Instead, you hacked a multimillion-dollar suit so you could sneak around behind my back doing the one thing I told you not to do.
Spider-Man: Is everyone okay?
Iron Man: No thanks to you.
Spider-Man: No thanks to me? Those weapons were out there and I tried to tell you about it, but you didn't listen. None of this would've happened if you had just listened to me. If you even cared, you'd actually be here.
Iron Man: I did listen, kid. Who do you think called the FBI, huh? Do you know I was the only one who believed in you? Everyone else said I was crazy to recruit a 14-year-old kid.
Spider-Man: I'm 15.
Iron Man: No. This is where you zip it, all right? The adult is talking. What if somebody had died tonight? Different story, right? 'Cause that's on you. And if you died, I feel like that's on me. I don't need that on my conscience.
Spider-Man: Yes, sir, I'm sorry.
Iron Man: Yes. Sorry doesn't cut it.
Spider-Man: I understand. I just wanted to be like you.
Iron Man: And I wanted you to be better. Okay, it's not working out. I'm gonna need the suit back.
Spider-Man: For how long?
Iron Man: Forever. Yeah, that's how it works.
Spider-Man: No, no. Please. Please.
Iron Man: Let's have it.
Spider-Man: You don't understand. This is all I have. I'm nothing without this suit.
Iron Man: If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it, okay? God, I sound like my dad.
Spider-Man: I don't have any other clothes.
Iron Man: Okay, we'll sort that out.